I thought all my woes were this and that. In a sense they were. Nobody can live long enough without company. I needed someone to feel at home with. I needed an unconditional hug.
This saturday was almost all I could ask for. I woke up in her arms. Soft music in the background; outside the rain is just another instrument. We get up. We don't need to put any clothes on; a cup of hot, freshly brewed coffee is all we need to fend of the cool touch of the morning breeze. The soft light of the cloudy day makes her look as if she popped out of a movie. We touch, skin to skin and talk and eat delicious pancakes.
We spent the day together. It was as if we knew each other for years. Smooth. Content. Familiar.
The evening had me showing one of my favorite movies to my internet and afk friends, at the same time. Beer and nice talks ensued. Relationships, feelings, tech. That is what having friends means.
Maybe I didn't “solve” all my woes, but I'm en route. Yes, friends could be closer, yes she could be more sure she's here, but this is quite a ways from my situation a few short months ago. However there is still something wrong. There's still something missing. What is it? why did I burst into tears between those two encounters? Why am I writing this now?